Three Red Flags Of An Unkind Man.

I’m going to try and deconstruct three different ways men act unkindly toward women. I am a man, so I will be doing this from a male’s perspective. I think more men should be discussing this openly. My goal and my objective here is to give women healthy, encouraging insight from the inner-workings of a man’s mind in the hopes that you will be liberated by this toxic behavior. Men are accountable for this. I’m not alleviating them of their responsibility. But I’m trying to empower YOU. Please leave a comment below so that I can answer any questions that you may have.

Note: These aren’t in any particular order.   

Okay, let’s start with the first of three!

He is belittling toward you. 

Ever date a guy who seems to thrive off of making his friends or colleagues laugh at your expense? Ever feel embarrassed by him, insulted by him, and / or completely belittled by him? Well, that man has one of the three red flags of unkindness that we’ll be discussing. A man who behaves like this is actually threatened by your presence, or he secretly feels inferior around people in general. Either way, he is unjustly supplementing those insecurities by trying to make you look bad. 

To say that this is immature is an understatement, but - as a man myself - I can say that I have personally witnessed this time after time and it’s WRONG. Important: It is no better for a man to do this in private, either. Malicious criticism is never justifiable behavior.

Your Response To Him: 

Firstly, your feelings are justified. If you’re angry, hurt, sad, confused, feeling betrayed, it’s ALL justified and thoroughly understandable. Please ALSO understand that - unfortunately - a lot of men are extremely insecure, they don’t know how to work through their insecurities, so they suppress them until they explode into this demeaning and antagonistic behavior toward YOU. Illogical, right?? And YOU did NOTHING to deserve it. Your response should be to never put up with this inappropriate treatment. You deserve to be uplifted - not antagonized or belittled.

2. He is hypocritical toward you.

Ever date a guy who berates you for having a guy friends, for “liking” instagram photos he doesn’t want you to like, but then proceeds to live by his own apparent rules? Or - should I say - lack thereof? Do you find yourself having restrictions when he seems to be restrained by none? Are you “in trouble” for the very things he indulges in? Are you always wrong and he is always right? Well, check off the second red flag as well because you are - or have been - dating a hypocrite. (And possibly a narcissist.)

Not only is this a form of gaslighting, but it’s abusive. It goes without saying that hypocrisy is toxic and - you guessed it - unkind. You deserve fairness and INTEGRITY; not suppression and manipulation. 

Your Response To Him:

As with being belittled publicly or privately, being treated with hypocrisy is not only unkind, it is a form of hostility. This passive aggressive behavior can make you feel guilty, anxious, tense, crazy, depressed, or even unworthy. All of these emotional responses are completely understandable, but NONE of them are merited because you are being manipulated. Your attempts to rationalize illogical behavior will lead to chaotic emotions. And, who could blame you? You’ve been treated without kindness. You deserve to feel SAFE. You DON’T deserve to feel perpetually attacked. 

3. He is temperamental toward you. 

Ever date a guy who is incapable of controlling his anger? Does he yell? Is their hatred in his eyes? Does his piercing stare penetrate your heart with painful, sharp emotions that make you feel isolated, unseen, and alone? Does he call you names? Does he hit you? Does he force sex onto you? If any of this has or does pertain to your relationship(s), then you’ve been treated unkindly through anger. 

Not only is this temper-related, it too, is a form of abuse, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. You deserve patience, gentleness, affirmation, and protection. You DON’T deserve to be treated with reckless, hasty forms of anger.

Your Response To Him:

Just like with belittlement and hypocrisy, anger and temperamental treatment toward you is unacceptable. You may rightfully feel threatened, frightened, anxious, and hurt. You don’t have to be treated this way. You don’t have to tolerate it. This is - once again - another form of abuse. A man with true leadership and maturity can process his emotions rationally, and not at your expense. Be with a man who cherishes you, and makes you feel safe.

Conclusion:

There are unfortunately other forms of unkindness, but these three are rampant in men and should not go unchecked. I hope and pray that these viewpoints will offer some validation, encouragement, and perspective in your relational journey. It is better to be healthy and single, as opposed to in an abusive relationship. Set your standards high, and hold them close to your heart. Know your worth. You’re above abuse.

Pursue a man of kindness.

Avoid these red flags!

-Ry

Honestly Humble.

Dear God,
I was intoxicated with pride as if it were whiskey.
I sought perfect lighting rather than the exposure of my blemishes.
I adorned myself in elaborate fashion and carried myself arrogantly.
I unjustly rebuked any potential notion of internal or spiritual revision.
I foolishly discerned that my weak hands were mighty hands.
I incorrectly concluded that I was efficient and required no assistance.
I neglected my every wound; I abandoned them to rot in isolation.
I pursued the destructiveness of drugs to deal with my predicaments.
I mocked You in my ways; I boasted despite having nothing to boast about.
I protected my promiscuity; nurturing it and carrying it under my arm.
I pressed it tightly to my chest. I held rocks like they were gold.
You generously exposed all of my habitual unhealthiness.
You compassionately showed me my chaotic contradictions.
You heroically left 99 of your followers to track me down alone.
You have always been in control. I have never grasped the reigns.
You teach me in increments; for all at once would surely crush me.
You’re gentle yet so strong; loving yet will not be mocked.
You’re perfectly established and never-changing - I’m continuously evolving.
Your awareness supersedes and infinitely outranks my highest thought.
You are impeccably patient with my all of blunders.
You are supremely compassionate despite my being undeserving of it.
You have placed my pride upon a well-lit table and I thank you for it.
Dear God, I am contrite as I fear that I will continue to make mistakes -
I am filled with clumsy flaws as well as thorough brokenness -
but I praise You for taking the time to love me and to guide me.
I am unspeakably grateful, and I am praying for an increase in
honest humility. Less of me, more of You.

Written by: Ry Truax

Letter To Opposition.

Dear Opposition,

Thank you for your work-ethic. You never miss an opportunity
to make your presence known. With every pivotal moment I’ve experienced,
you’ve always been certain to arrive early, in the hopes that you can position yourself strategically. Your covert -but potent approach- has continuously kept me on my toes.
My awareness of your presence frustrates you, in that - to your credit - you cleverly elude my sight. Regardless, though, I sense you. And my discernment forces you to endure my persistence. Your disdain for my success, my acclimations, and my modifications have sharpened your skills in the field of passive aggression. You always know how to carefully construe my intentions, my character, and my motives behind my desire to mature. And -much to your delight- there are simple-minded individuals who eat and digest your every deceitful word.

I have noticed that -while you are brilliant in your consistency- you are beginning to show weakness in your originality. We have met and engaged with one another enough times now to which I’ve come to understand your patterns and your mechanics. I realize -much to your dismay- that you are spiritually limited in your resources, and can therefore only disguise repetitious efforts to discourage me as something valid and new.

I understand that God’s provision, my faith in Him, and my willingness to search for beauty in the midst of trials and hardship prohibits the systematic flights of your arrows.
Please understand that - while it’s unlikely that you’ll ever want to sit down with me to discuss our differences - I’d just like to acknowledge you and say thank you.
Thank you for sculpting my character, for strengthening my spirit, for deepening the foundation of my faith, for improving my communication skills, for increasing my patience, and for magnifying my courage to stand upon the stage of my calling despite your attempting to reek havoc across its surface. We may never be friends, but I consider you - along with my trials of many kinds - to be of pure joy.

Dearest Opposition, I thank you once again for your enthusiastic contribution. But I will continue to walk straight through you. It’s nothing personal, and I’m around if ever you change your mind.

Your Friends,

Integrity and Resilience

Written by: Ry Truax